Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
