One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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