We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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