Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
