just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
