It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
