Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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