No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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