I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize