I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dicks are not precious.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
