I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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