Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
