Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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