i will never coherently bang her
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Enjoy the penises
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
