We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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