I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
