I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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