I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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