I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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