highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
