Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
