eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
