She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize