the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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