Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
