Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize