I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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