Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
