now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
