Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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