me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
