am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
