the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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