that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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