just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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