i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
