No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
