Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
