if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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