the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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