a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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