dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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