Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
