i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize