is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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