White coat. Heels.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize