i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
