Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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