I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
