I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
