I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
