I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
