She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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