Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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