I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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