Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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