I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This house was built for laser tag.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
