we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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