Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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