OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
