SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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