K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize