Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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