Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
