i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
